Max
Scherzer, trendsetter
Every time Detroit pitcher Max Scherzer is interviewed on TV, I can practically hear the internet clog
up as people rush to their computers to Google what the heck is going on with
his eyes. Scherzer has heterochromia iridum—his eyes are different colors. But
not just a little different, as is the case with Jane Seymour and Mila Kunis and
Christopher Walken, all of whom (yes, I Googled this) have the same condition.
Scherzer’s eyes are wildly different colors—one brilliant blue, the other dark
brown. They’re mesmerizing and exquisitely beautiful to look at, and they contrast with each other so drastically that the only similar examples on the Wikipedia page
are white cats and Malamutes. I predict that, thanks to Scherzer,
mismatched eye color will soon be the hot new fashion trend. Contact lens moguls are watching
this World Series, rubbing their hands in greedy glee.
The
magic necklaces are back
A few years ago, I ridiculed the Texas Rangers for
wearing ropey magnetic necklaces during the playoffs. They lost anyway, and I had fun immaturely taunting the TV—“Where are your magic necklaces now?”
But the necklaces are back with a vengeance: More than half of the players
in this year’s World Series are wearing them—sometimes two or three at a time,
as if they had sailboats tethered to them, bobbing around just offscreen. The magnetic necklaces are said to
improve circulation and help players recover more quickly from injury, and I
know these guys have to do everything they can to stay healthy and make enough
money to last them the rest of their lives. But every time I see one of those necklaces,
I wonder if, under his socks, the player also has those Kinoki “detoxifying”
pads stuck to the bottoms of his feet.
What
we look like at 5,000 frames per second
In this year’s postseason, Fox Sports is debuting its new
toy: a super-slow-motion camera that takes an astonishing 5,000 frames per
second. This is not the first time this year we’ve seen that technology—NBC
trotted out a couple of super-slo-mo cameras at the Olympics. But NBC used them
for evil, often to show—and make fun of—the contorted faces of gymnasts and
divers as they torqued their bodies into unnatural twists. But Fox has managed
to make their baseball slo-mo shots beautiful: the rippling muscles of a batter’s
arms, the flex and bend of the bat as it contacts the ball, and that fantastic,
iconic shot of Giants pitcher Sergio Romo yelling in the rain just after he closed out the final game of the NLCS. Of
course they have to occasionally show us grotesque shots of pitchers
practically breaking their elbows while throwing fastballs, but that’s nothing
new. All I can say is, thank God these cameras weren’t around when Joe
Theismann broke his leg.
Go,
Sleet!
There are no tigers in Detroit (zoos don’t count), and I’m
pretty sure there are no giants in San Francisco. So these team names are wrong and show no
civic pride. I think teams should be named for something that’s actually in
their city, something the locals know and love, or at least ruefully acknowledge. I’ve never been
to Detroit, so I’m not sure what to recommend there—the Sleet? The Chryslers? The
Bridge to Canada That I Can Never Remember the Name Of? But San Francisco,
which I know well, offers a lot of tantalizing choices. There’s the Homeless,
of course (could lead to some sort of reform or awareness, or maybe just a
lawsuit). The Hospital Curves. The Dirty 30. The Cranes. But I’m going to go
with…the Peets. Because they’re everywhere. (But their apostrophe must go.)
The Panda
protects
In closing, here’s one of my favorite clips from this past week:
newscaster Paul Robins getting pooped on by a seagull at McCovey Cove. The bird
must have pegged Robins for a Tigers fan; notice that Bethany Crouch, in the Panda hat, makes it through unscathed.
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