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Railroad-spike art, Ashland, Oregon |
Oh, blog world, I have so many half-finished posts almost
ready to put up here—posts about poetry chapbooks, and little annoyances that I
love, and how differently I view Star
Trek now than when I was a teenager.
But none of
them seems appropriate right now. I have the past month stuck in my throat.
The
election just knocked me out. Winded me. Flattened me. And I know I’m not
alone. It’s not that I’m surprised that there are racists and white
supremacists in this country. And I’m certainly not surprised that the
president-elect (ick—hard to say that) is appointing some of them to his
cabinet. I guess what surprised me was that so many voters overlooked all that
hatemongering and voted for him anyway. People talk about the pendulum of American
politics (characterized by one pundit as a wrecking ball) that swings radically
one way and then the other, about every eight years. And true, we got Reagan
after Carter, and the most objectionable of the Bushes after Clinton, and now
we have this mind-boggling situation right after Obama. It’s like an
illustration of the saying “We can’t have nice things.”
And I may
sound reasonable right now, but the truth is that I’ve been as depressed this
past month as I’ve ever been in my life. On election night, even before things went
completely to hell, I was sick to my stomach. Over the next few days I felt like I’d been in a car accident—achy, reeling, and not quite sure what just
happened. That, I guess, was the denial phase; I genuinely felt like I was going
to wake up any minute and find out it was all a horrible dream. And the dream
of waking up from it was a beautiful dream.
Then I hit
a depression phase that was unlike anything I’ve felt since my mother died. I
could barely function, and I cried all the time in uncontrollable, heaving sobs
that left me wracked and drained. I felt like I had the flu for a few days, and
then, while playing in a tennis clinic—running around seemed like such a great thing to do right then—I had
an asthma attack, the first I’d had in almost ten years. That depressed me even
more—the country was falling apart, and so was my body. Everything was screwed.
A word for this
Somewhere in all that mess, a friend wrote a post on
Facebook about the word many of his election-weary friends were using to
describe what they were feeling. To his surprise, it wasn’t anger, or even depression. It was grief.
And that rang absolutely true for me: I’d been through the denial phase (always
the best part of grief—can’t we stay there?), and then depression. Anger was
sure to follow. I was sort of looking forward to that.
This got me
thinking about what we lefties are mourning. Of course, there’s the welfare of
our planet, and race relations, and the safety of our friends and family who
are members of color (and our very selves, for people of color). And I guess
I’d still been holding onto a wispy dream that the United States might still
sometimes be a champion of human rights. And we’re mourning the reversal of the
direction this nation had seemed to be going in—eight years with a black
president, gay marriage now a normalized thing, even pot becoming legal in many
states. But suddenly, on November 8th, the brakes squealed and all the groceries
hit the car floor. Emboldened bigots were out in force, harassing Muslims and
people of color in the streets, on BART trains, in department stores. Trump
supporters screamed “Who did you vote
for?” at random women out the windows of their pickups.* People who didn’t
hastily remove their Clinton bumper stickers had their cars keyed in their
driveways.
Civilization.
That’s something to mourn.
And for
women, this thing came with a whole other level of grief. We had that dream of
a woman president—so close, right there, right in our hands. And as a wonderful
bonus, she was set to kick the ass of a guy who reminded us of men we’ve been
fending off our whole lives, insensitive creeps we’ve worked for, lived with, been
shouted down by, been hit on by in bars, been assaulted by.
And I was
only beginning to get a handle on these losses when I thought of everyone and
everything else now at risk: immigrants, people with disabilities, people who
could lose their health insurance, the Paris climate agreement, endangered
species, wolves, anyone living in the path of an oil pipeline, everyone working
on alternatives to destructive energy extraction like fracking and mountaintop
removal. And then there are all the federally funded programs, like Social
Security and Medicare, the EPA, the NEA, PBS, NPR. Not to mention the Supreme
Court.
Grieve, then give
So, OK, grief—you exist. I get it. I get you. And I remember a little of this
from the past, from the bad old Reagan-Bush-Bush years. (And part of my grief
is whining, “We have to do that again?”)
This election was unlike any other, but the muscles I used during those eras
are about to get flexed again. And while this one is overwhelming—I
mean, where do we start, with so many fronts of battle?—I know that one thing I
can start doing right away is voting with my checkbook. There are a lot of
great organizations that are in for the fight of their lives, and they all need
our help. So here are a few organizations I’ll be supporting in the months ahead.
If you have favorites, feel free to add them in the comments.
Earthjustice—The nation’s original and largest nonprofit environmental law organization
KS Wild—Klamath-Siskiyou Wildlands Center
ASPCA (because animals always need help)
FOTAS—Friends of the Jackson County Animal Shelter (ditto)
And on a last note, I’ve been concerned about some of us on
the left painting Trump supporters with an awfully broad brush. That’s a mistake.
I know a number of my friends and relatives voted for Trump, and they aren’t all
bigoted, misogynistic, or stupid, not by a long shot. I can’t claim to
understand how their dissatisfaction led them to vote for such a person, but I
think that simply dividing them into the other camp is just the kind of error
that got us here in the first place. So I plan to do a lot of reading on this
subject. Here’s
a good Washington Post article
to start with, about Trump supporters in rural Wisconsin and what life looks like to
them.
*This happened to two friends of mine on the street in front of my office.